the link above takes you to a New York Times Health article that discusses experiencing cancer and the language we use to try to describe it. Gina Cullen (Mac '74 from Seattle) identified it on her blog, where she often shares her experience with lung cancer, and I appreciated it enough to copy it here.
For myself, I agree that "fighting" does not sound like what I am experiencing. Neither does "bravery". More - since i have given up on working for the remainder of my just over 3 weeks of remaining chemotherapy and mostly spend my days sitting in a recliner chair watching South Park, old Harry Potter movies and other things TIVOed from cable with the dogs - I would have to say I can't remember when i have felt more relaxed - a state not really compatible with "fighting".
Nor does "brave" seem to describe my internal emotions. More like "acceptance", a far less demanding emotion.
I am optimistic about outcome here, but recognize realistically that the optimism may not predict outcome. Putting things in order internally and externally is an easier stage than the periods of life when I have been struggling with persistent hard battles. This one is mostly out of my hands - although I fully intend to do whatever i can to make decisions and take actions that will tip the balance in optimistic directions.
Beyond that, each day the primary thought is, given the limits of my time or (these days mostly) energy, what is the most valuable use of the time available to me today? that is the most important decision I face these days. Actually probably the most important decision any of us face any day - just much of our lives we have the luxury - or disadvantage - of not being conciously aware of that.
Thanks again to all of you for your support, your friendship, and your gifts to my life.